Sunday, February 22, 2009

What I'm feeling...

I'm feeling like in the next three months of my life some pretty significant changes are going to take place in me personally and in my lifestyle. I have no concrete reasoning on which I'm basing this feeling, but the words of Jesus have a reputation of shaking things up a bit, and since I'll be spending the next three months studying the Bible, I'm bracing myself for a good shakin'.
Lately I've been getting a lot of revelation about desperation. I was reading the story about the prostitute that washed Jesus' feet with her tears while He was eating at the house of the pharisee, and I could feel my heat start to ache with longing for a desperation for Jesus like that woman had... desperate enough to show up uninvited to the pharasee's house and weep at the feet of Jesus while everyone else looks on, I imagine, in judgment and embarrassment. I find myself to be too aware and logical to be that desperate... I'd probably at most wait outside the house until He came out as to not disturb the meal, and I wouldn't think to wash His feet with my tears because there's a possibility that that might make a scene and it's just weird and it looks weak. I WANT THAT KIND OF DESPERATION SO BADLY... an abandonment of self to such a degree that it leads to an almost scandalous desperation to even just be at the feet of Jesus. That sounds good to me.

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